Oh man, so on Sunday I wanted to try a new cocktail so I could write for this blog, so I asked my waitress at the mediocre pizza restaurant for her favorite cocktail. She didn't drink cocktails, so she handed me the drink menu, which consisted entirely of Flavored Vodkas and Some Other Shit. Maybe there was a mojito on it. Mostly it was the ubiquitous vodka cocktail in an up glass that women my age hold like a trophy, like they know from drinking, and tell me it's a special martini. I don't correct people to their faces because I'm not that much of an asshole, but we all know it's not actually a martini. I'd be willing to accept the name if it were a vodka martini with three olives and an onion, but really it's just a fruity cocktail that belongs on Lake Havasu, being sipped with straws shaped like penises.
Nevertheless, I got a raspberry one because raspberry is one of my favorite flavors and I really like Chambord. My Raspberry Dream, or whatever the fuck it was called, consisted of Raspberry Stoli, Chambord, Cointreau, and Sprite. It was quite pretty, with the Chambord at the bottom and the clear vodka at the top, recalling the appearance of a magic mirror in an 80s fantasy movie. As I pretended I had an angelically whiny voice and ringlets, I sipped my pretty little cocktail, which tasted like some raspberry water in a glass.
Anyway, I guess it's good that I got Flavored Vodka and Some Other Shit out of the way for Cocktail of the Week because I'm never going to review a cocktail like this again. Espresso Martini? I'll take an Irish Coffee, thanks. Next time I want flavored vodka, I'll save the extra $3 and get a raspberry vodka tonic. Unless I'm trying to look really really pretty while with a date when I'm not paying. Then I'll get the aesthetically pleasing cocktail. For the record: I'm all about better aesthetics in all things...unless they involve flavored vodka.
Ladies, I assure you that a whiskey sour will keep you warmer, although maybe it won't look as pretty next to your friend who is wearing a hat made out of condoms.
A classier, prettier, better raspberry alternative: champers with raspberries in the bottom of the glass, a la Marie Antoinette. Seriously.
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